Monday, June 14, 2010

Primary relationships...

Perhaps it's unhealthy, but if I could spend most of my day with my horse, I probably would.  The other major players in my life (husband, kids, friends, employer) would not be thrilled if I decided to go in this direction.  No doubt they all think I spend too much time with the horse as it is.

Sometimes I try to step back and examine how much time I really do spend at the barn, and compare that with time spent with the kids, with my husband, or at work.  Sadly, I think work wins, at least in terms of total time spent.  Then the kids, and the long suffering hubby takes whatever crumbs are left.

It's harder to look at time spent with the kids vs. horse time objectively.  For example, tonight I picked the kids up a little after 5pm, then they helped me cook dinner before we all rushed off to the first night of Rugby practice.  Roughly, the hours between 5 and 9 were with the family. 

Tomorrow I'll be bringing the kids to their barn for their riding lessons; that's another 4 hours I'll be with them.  At least one night this week and one weekend morning they'll be at my barn with me.  Am not sure that counts, though, as it's not like I'm interacting with them that much when I'm riding.  Does it count if we're together, even if we're not actually interacting?  Am not 100% sure on this one.  Anyway, I'm not even factoring in more rugby practice time, rugby game time (substitute lacrosse or gymnastics time if you'd like) and pool time.  If I think about it, I guess that time I DO spend with them does outweigh the time spent at the barn or when I'm travelling.

The horse time is my sanity time.  It rejuvenates me and gives me the patience I normally don't always have as readily accessible as I'd like to.  As much as I love the other people I'm blessed to have in my life, the constant refrain of, "Mom, Mom, Mom, Hun, Mom, Hun, Amy, Hun, Mom, Amy!" can suck the life out of a girl.  Sug is happy to see me, but is just as happy if I don't show up.  She doesn't ask me how much I love her, or tell me she thinks that I love the kids more, or am too tired to really "connect" with her. 

All I know is that when she rests her head on my shoulder and blows a sweet sigh into my ear, everything in my world is as right as rain.   I can just sigh back at her, put her back in her stall, and go back off to my "primary relationships" in a much better place and better equipped to do right by them.

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