Saturday, January 11, 2014

A Slice of Humble Pie...





Warning: There's a bit of a whine coming up. If that's not your cup of tea, or you're just not in the mood for it, feel free to skip this post.  No hard feelings.  Really.

It's winter, which means that our trainer heads South for warmer climates.  Budget constraints, and educational and employment obligations keep us up North, freezing our tuckuses off.  No biggie.  As my Nana always said, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Our trainer made arrangements for another trainer to teach us while she's away.  Before she left she had this interim trainer come and give the kids lessons so we'd have a sense of what to look forward to.  I was impressed by the new trainer's attention to basics and felt our time with her would be a positive one for the three of us.

Fast forward to last week, our first lesson.  Holy crap, what an eye-opener that was!  I went in to the lesson expecting to get some correction for bad habits.  What I did not expect was to come out of the lesson feeling like the world's worst rider ever.  Not that I feel I'm a particularly good rider, but I did feel I could be considered to be fairly adequate.  Let me tell you, I was disabused of that notion, fast and in a hurry!  I knew I had issues, but did not expect to have more than my kid did. (And yes, I am completely aware that makes me sound like the world's worst mother, but hey, I'm trying to be honest here, and you guys know I've never been afraid to admit I'm far from perfect.)

Sophie and I rode together, and as expected the new trainer, who will henceforth be known as T2, commented on and corrected a few of her form faults, such as her hand carriage and her leg position. Now, normally I'd have considered myself a slightly better rider than my kids.  If you'd seen our joint lesson last week, you'd have thought Sophie was the accomplished rider and I was the rank beginner.  My legs were in the wrong position, my hands were a nightmare, my seat was too heavy, my elbows locked, and my body moved way too much, like a sack of spastic potatoes, while I was jumping.  There was a whole laundry list of other issues as well, but I can't remember them all.

On top of that, T2 did not like Sugar at all.  She thought Sug was heavy on the forehand, stiff as a board, and unwilling to work.  I'll admit I actually took this worse than I did T2's assessment of my own skills.  I may suck, but every trainer I have ever had has loved Sug, finding her supple, light in the hand, and extremely willing willing to work.  All of them have commented that of the horses they had to ride in the course of their day, Sugar was one they looked forward to sitting on.

When I've ridden in clinics before, every clinician (Bernie Traurig, Jeff Cook, and Eric Horgan) have all loved my mare.  One of those clinicians is an Olympian, one was a top show jumper who won numerous grands prix and represented the US on many Nation's Cup teams, and the other was assistant trainer to George Morris for a number of years, a successful rider in his own right, and a frequent contributor to Practical Horseman magazine.  My point here is that is these guys liked Sug, so she couldn't be too bad, right?

To say I was a bit taken aback is an understatement.  And yeah, I realize my ego was bruised, and yes, I know I was in a strop because of her assessment of my horse.  I couldn't figure out if this lady just didn't like me for some reason or if I truly do suck, in which case, why didn't any of my other trainers point this fact out to me? Had they just given up, feeling I was beyond help? Is T2 right in her assessment of me and my other trainers did me a disservice by allowing me to continue as I had been? Or is she wrong and the other trainers right?  I had some serious soul searching to do, and I needed to try to take my ego and outraged horse-mama self out of the equation and look at the reality of the situation.

The way I saw it, I had a couple choices:

1)  I could say we were not a fit and discontinue working with her while my kids my kids continued to lesson with her.  After all, I'd only be on my own for a couple months.  Not ideal, but hey, you can say that life is too short to deal with something that doesn't make you happy or makes you  uncomfortable.  Especially as riding is supposed to be fun.

~OR~

2) I could do a couple more lessons with her, see what happened, see if there was improvement, and reassess from that point.  I was a swimmer in college, and played softball, basketball, and soccer during my school days.  I know that anytime a coach adjusted my stroke, swing, shot or kick it felt awkward as hell for a while until I broke my bad habit and retrained my muscle memory.   I could tell myself that T2 has trained many people in our area successfully, so odds are she has something to teach me.

I'm going with option 2, at least for the moment.  My bruised ego and I will stick it out for a while and see what happens.  Option 1 feels too much like giving up and quitting to me, and that's not how I roll or what I want to model for my kids.  I don't want them to think that when things are different or uncomfortable that you just get to throw in the towel. I'm willing to concede that I'm having an issue because this situation is uncomfortable for me, and that there is a very real possibility there may be something positive that will come of this.  So I'm hanging in there for now.

I've since had another lesson, and while I still felt like a remedial rider, there was some improvement.  More importantly, I've seen how her attention to detail has improved the kids' riding, so if she can help them, well, I have to believe she can help me.  I have another lesson today, and I guess I'd say I am cautiously optimistic.

Many thanks to those of you who read through this whole whine and for allowing me to self-therapize.  I'll keep you posted on how this goes.  Feel free to comment with your thoughts, even if it's just to tell me to pull my big girl pants up. I can take it.

16 comments:

  1. Wow, that would have ticked me off. I probably would, like you, have chosen to do a few more lessons - but I'm not sure I could get beyond such negative and seemingly inconsistent feedback about my horse. Criticize me all you want, but don't go after my horse! I'll be interested to read how the new trainer shapes up.

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    1. Thanks, Amanda. Isn't it funny? It's like someone can pick at you all they want, and okay, you can deal. But if they say anything less than glowing about your kid or your horse, and it a whole new level of batcrap crazy you're gonna go to. That being said, I really can't believe she doesn't like me. I mean, she doesn't know me. We'll see. Thanks for reading and commenting!

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  2. Your first lesson with her sounds like one of the early lessons with my trainer. He called me a clusterf*ck. Now he's the most important person to me in my riding career and I can't imagine riding with anyone else. It doesn't always work out like that, but maybe her opinion of you and Sug will improve as she gets more data, you know? Also, some people are just better at working with kids and get testy with adults. Seen it a million times.

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    1. Jess, I love how you put that. Yes, with more data this may get better. I also get the sense that she does really enjoy working with kids, and who knows, I may just be having a prima donna hissy fit, in which case I need to adjust my attitude. We'll see how it goes. Thanks for reading and commenting!

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  3. I am very protective of my kids, and now that they are somewhat grown, I am VERY protective of my horse. Good for you for sticking with it, and I sure hope things get better. This whole thing reminded me of "9 out of 10 dentists." whohc just makes me think something is very off with the 10th dentist.

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    1. Lol! Thank you, Emme! This made me snort with laughter. You are a jewel.

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  4. I like how you resolved this post.

    I've only had a few trainers, but they contradict(ed) each other fairly often. I had a very hard time letting that go. Putting on my "listening ears" and (trying) to keep my ego on the back burner helped. Criticizing my horse I'd have a harder time with though...

    Hoping to come back and read about how much progress you make with T2. :D

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    1. Thanks, Calm! Writing this post was helpful. I know this woman has had success with people in my area, and I see how she has helped my kids in the short time she's had them. So I've resolved to give it a go for a while because obviously she is knowledgable and I really feel you can learn something from anyone. Fingers crossed! Thanks for the support!

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  5. Good for you for sticking with T2. I'm sure you'll learn something. On that note though, I get really frustrated with ANY trainer that will start bashing my horse. I understand that all horses have flaws and that some riders (myself included) may have illusions of grandeur and unrealistic expectations of their beloved ponykins, but trainers who don't seem to have anything positive to say about my horse really bug me. What I'm riding is what I can afford, love, and want to make work... so help me out instead of telling me everything that's wrong with it!

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    1. Hey Lauren, thanks for the support! Yeah, it's easy to go all Momma Bear when someone doesn't like your horse. And you know, I told myself maybe we just weren't having a great day. I was off kilter with the new way of doing things, and I know Sug was confused. So, fingers crossed for things going better the next couple times. If they don't, I'll re-evaluate then.

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  6. That would be hard to ride through, but it sounds like a good decision.

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  7. It's possible T2 sees how capable you are and that you are just not riding up to the standard they think you may be able to? I think it's a good idea to stick it out for a few more rides and see if you do indeed improve. If not, chalk it up to her being a big fat B.

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  8. Oof, that sounds like a whole lot of no fun. I take it this was a change from the “trial” lessons – or maybe she only taught the juniors during those? Sorry you had a rough go. :(

    Honestly, with this sort of thing I don’t think it’s really a question of whether the new instructor is right or wrong. I mean, sure, it’s possible that she’s nuts, and sure, it’s possible that everyone else you’ve ridden with has been nuts – but either possibility is less likely than that allllllll instructors have their own eyes and their own personalities and their own priorities and methods which are going to match up differently with different students.

    If it were me, I’d try another lesson or two. I’d try really hard to do as the instructor asks while I’m in the lesson and to be egoless about it, and I’d have a good think after the lesson re: about both the instructor’s style and my reaction to it. That is, I think it’s important to be able to take what you can from any lesson and to be flexible about your learning – otherwise you miss a lot of great opportunities! But at the same time, I think it’s okay to say that something just isn’t working for you. If no instructor ever worked for you, it’d be time to start looking at the common element – but that’s not the case here; you have a long list of folks you’ve enjoyed and productively worked with. So it’s okay to decide you just aren’t into this particular approach for yourself and your own and to opt out. But yeah, I would give it one more ride to let the initial shock wear off.

    Good luck, either way!

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    1. Hi Hannah, thanks so much for the very well thought out response. Yes, this is different than the trial lesson as only the kids rode in that one. I agree with you-- she clearly knows her stuff, and has been able to help the kids in the short time she's had them. I think it's possible that she may be more used to teaching kids, or that I am having a big old whiny ego thing. (Hate admitting it might be that, but hey, gotta be honest).
      My intent is to ride out the month doing my best to do what she asks and really immerse myself in her program. I tried to do what she was asking this past Sunday over a pole exercise, and did have some success with it. So we'll see how it goes, and re-evaluate if necessary later on down the road. Thanks so much for commenting, Hannah!

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  9. This helps me a lot, I've moved my horse to a new barn and a new trainer after riding and working with my old one for close to 15 years. It's a long story, but basically my old trainer is having a difficult time right now and been insulting every lesson about my horse (who is a talented, but has an opinion TB mare) and every discussion we've had turned into a heated argument. I like this new trainer, but it's going to be very different for a while, I'm trying to keep an open mind :)

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  10. Its a tactic and not just used in the horse world. People come in all huffy and extra critical (in this care you and your horse) so that you will think they know something and feel exactly how you said you felt and then you will book more lessons because clearly you suck so hard and this person can save you. If you get something out of the lessons then great money well spent... if you don't, then don't feel like you have to continue. Instruction is more than a trainer who knows lots of stuff. They have to be able to impart that knowledge to you in a way you can understand. Thats what makes a great teacher. Lots of people know stuff thats no big deal but being able to teach... Thats a skill almost everyone thinks they have but very few really do. Im sure you don't suck, im sure your horse isn't terrible, im also sure this trainers style is born out of her own insecurities about her ability to teach.

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