Thursday, September 9, 2010
Good Grief, They're Starting Them Young...
Seriously, it started on the ski slopes. All those motocross helmeted little amoeba-creatures sans ski poles that bulleted past me, causing at best momentary heart failure or at worst, immediate contact with the ground. Then I see it in the pool -- 8 year olds swimming faster times than I did at 21! (Mind you, I maintain that's because I had huge boobs at 21. For that matter, I had boobs at 8 -- maybe I should have skipped swimming as a sport altogether.)
I can't even get away from the whippersnappers in the equestrian arena. Not only are my kids barreling around, showing a decent amount of talent and jumping courses at what looks like breakneck speed with no regard for their Mother's health (I have a large supply of Xanax at the barn for days when I watch them lesson). Now I have to compete against pony-tailed, pre-pubescent future Grand National jockeys in the lower jumper levels. I have to screw my courage to the bone, take a deep breath, and FORCE myself into the ring, a chorus of prayerful imprecations (OHMYGODOHMYGOD) shrieking in my head as I negotiate the course, do my best to ride it according to the plan my trainer has devised, and attempt to come out alive.
As I leave the ring, hyperventilating and gratefully thanking all manner of deities that my life has been spared, I am inevitably passed by some be-ribboned and bowed 8 year old whiz kid on her freakishly fast pony. Gasping for air, I watch as the adorable little future USET member speeds around the course at Mach 1 (and no Alzheimer's fueled GPS moments for her, no sirree Bob!) and breaks the final buzzer on average of 10 seconds faster than my round.
As I can't prevent these precocious talents from entering the classes I do ( note to self -- put on big girl pants and start jumping bigger fences where tubby little Thelwell ponies can't compete) and I can't very well duct-tape them inside their trailers, I will have to resort to what all older competitors do when faced with young upstarts: MINDGAMES! I've come across some motorcross helmets with modifications that I plan to add to my riding helmet. These modifications will make me look fierce, and hopefully give the baby barnstormers a moment's pause, something that may slow them up a bit. Something to make them worry that the old bag might be competition, after all.
In case you're wondering what started me on this rant, here you go. A client of mine sent me this link to her cousin's website. Jaxson is two, and is riding motorcross. Not only is the kid SERIOUSLY cute, he's got serious talent. I mean, let's not kid ourselves, most two year olds can barely walk, much less motocross. Check it out the website: http://www.jaxonxtremeracing.com/. Here's a video of the little tyke out practicing -- see where I got the helmet idea?!