Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Umm, ChaperOWNed, anyone....

Came across a term on my girlfriend's blog that seemed to sum my life up in a nutshell.  The term was "ChaperOWNed."  As in, I am in the Mom Taxi phase of this gig they call parenting.  As in, yes, my ass spends a LOT of time in the (thankfully heated and plush) leather seat of my car.  Sometimes it's for my job, but most of the time it's for my other job, the Mom job. The job where I am schlepping Child One or Child Two, or sometimes both, to various activities. 

In the not too distant past, I thought I had things under control.  Prided myself on having home cooked family dinners 5 nights a week.  How frikkin' delusional was I???? That was a blip in time, my friend.  Now I can barely find the stove, much less turn it on or cobble something together to actually cook on the hulking stainless steel behemoth.  I don't even want to tell you what my kids eat, though I will cover my butt and tell you they are vaccinated and taking vitamins.

Now I spend 5 nights a week driving the kids to riding, lacrosse, or travel soccer. Warning: If you are thinking of letting your child do travel soccer, or travel anything for that matter, think again.  You'd better like driving - a lot.  You'd better like soccer- a lot. You'd better have free time -- a lot.  Get the trend here????? And the odds that your little darling is the next Mia Hamm/Landon Donovan are slim to freakin none, so get over that fact and realize that your best shot is some pissant scholarship money to a second tier institute of higher learning.  Not that I'm bitter, it's just a simple math problem -- less than 1% of the population make it.  Really? You think your little Johnny or Jessica is that child? Pffffttttttt.) 

I bring the same amount of crap with me (books, magazines, laptop, drinks, snacks) to a practice as I do on a transcontinental business trip.  The only thing I don't bring with me on a business trip is my own chair, though the fold-able jobbie I take to soccer is a damn sight more comfortable than half the seats I wedge myself into on Continental these days.

Oh, and my own activity?  The riding thing??  That's becoming a fit in when I'm not out of town or dragging children all over God's half acre.  Thankfully the kids ride too, or else I'd be sending board checks and asking my trainer to kiss my horse for me in the Comments section.

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