More Mental Performance Coaching: There Really IS Something to This Stuff!

A present from me to you. Your very own Self Talk Grid.
Don't say I never gave you anything. ;)

If you're new to AWIP or haven't been following religiously (and there's no judgement here, we all have busy schedules) you should know that I've been using a mental performance coach to help me deal with the fear issues I face when jumping.

I've been working with Sommer Christie while my trainer has been away at WEF, and have seen some pretty impressive progress even after just a few sessions. (Who knew?)  This weekend I had my first two jump schools with my recently returned trainer, and quite frankly, I was a bit nervous about them.  In the past, nerves could easily translate into Amy in the fetal position.

Last week's session with Sommer was on Self Talk and how that impacted Focus (the previous session's lesson.)  It started with Sommer stating, "Now we know that every day is not going to work out the way we want it to." My immediate (and thankfully suppressed) reaction was "Really?? No sh@#! Knew that!"  I pulled my smart aleck brain back to the moment and listened as Sommer continued by saying although things don't always go to plan, we choose what we focus on and how we react.  OK, now you've peaked my interest.

In the past, I would go around a course with a litany of "Holy Crap!" in my head.  With Sommer's help, I can now go around with my mind focused on my task, which at the moment is my rhythm.  It's a bit Sesame Street and I look a tad "special" cantering around counting out 1-2-1-2-1-2, but it's been working.

So now that we're getting a bit better at Focus, we need to learn how to manage anxiety when things don't go according to plan.  How can I manage the "Oh Crap! I totally flubbed that distance!" moment and get my focus back? 

Turns out part of managing anxiety and nerves is Focus.  Since I choose what I focus on, i choose to focus on my task.  This weekend, instead of focusing on the nerves I had as I jumped with my trainer for the first time in 6 weeks, I focused on my rhythm: 1-2-1-2-1-2.  Where all my distances perfect?  Not by a long shot.  However, when I chipped into a line, I was so focused on my task that my knowledge base/muscle memory kicked in and instead of panicking I simply kicked on to lengthen my mare's stride and we got down the line beautifully.  WHOOHOO!

Another part of managing anxiety is managing your reaction to it. One way to handle that is by eliminating Negative Self Talk.  For example, normally I would see a triple bar and start saying to myself, "Oh no, there's a triple bar on that course.  I always suck at triple bars," and work myself up into a tizzy. 

A giggle graphic from a blog I like,
The Wanderlust Project

Sommer gave me a Self Talk Grid to work with to help change my self talk.  So I know that when I see a triple bar I know that I normally allow myself to think "I always suck at triple bars," which usually results (inevitably) in a crap distance at the triple and ensuing chaos around the rest of the course. NOW I change my Self Talk to remind myself of past success or counter arguments as to why a crap distance is inevitable and tell myself "Oh, a triple bar.  I've done this successfully at home a bazillion times. No biggie." I also now use key words, or Anchors, to remind myself of these past successes. (These days my Anchor is Bad A$$, to remind me I'm like the Honey Badger.)

You can also manage your anxiety by managing your body's reaction to stress. When Sommer asked me how I might do that, I blurted out "Xanax! Girl Scout Cookies! Wine!"  The silence at the other end of the line alerted me to the fact that this was not the answer Sommer was looking for.  Turns out deep, rhythmical breathing (there's that rhythm thing again!) at the rate of 6 breaths per minute syncs your breathing up with your heart rate and shuts off your stress response.  Think slllooooooowwwwww breath in through your nose and then sllllloooooooowwwww breath out through your mouth.  I remember something like this in Labor Class.  While it didn't do squat in terms of reducing the pain of childbirth (thank God for epidurals!) it's been darn helpful with triple bar stress management!

So I breathed and counted my way through two very successful jumping lessons this weekend, and quite frankly, I'm happy as a pig in poop.  Did I already know most of this stuff Sommer is sharing with me?  Yes.  It's not like we've discovered a new solar system or anything.  However, was I using that knowledge in a logical, consistent manner? Nope.  And that was the problem.  Now I am, and while things are not and will never be perfect, I am getting better at living with that, and adjusting to it accordingly.

Much Needed Equi-Therapy...

This pretty much illustrates how I felt about this past week.

Ever have one of those weeks where you just feel like you're the bug under somebody's boot heel?  The sense of helpless frustration when you're powerless to affect change of any kind?  That was my week.  Some people can handle that kind of a week with graceful aplomb. Not me.  With me there's lots of gnashing of teeth, hand wringing, occasional foot stomping, and fantasies of retribution.

Hey, I said I was an adult - I never claimed to be mature. 

So anyway, lousy week.  Between being wretchedly sick and issues at work I hadn't been able to get to the barn in 5 days, which added to my cranky factor.  I was able to go tonight, and was scheduled to have a lesson.  Part of me was tempted to schedule the lesson as it had been so long since I'd ridden, and adding that to my less than sunny frame of mind did not bode well in terms of having a productive lesson.  I seriously considered just bailing on the lesson and just hacking Sug.

I pulled Sug out of her stall and began to groom her, all the while griping to my best barn buddy.  As I griped and groomed, Sug kept turning her head and shoving me in my arm or shoulder.

Hey!  Where's my treat?  You forgot to give me my treat.  What's up with that?

Sorry Sug, can you wait a bit, I'm trying to tell Libby about my crappy week.

Wait?  Why?  For how long?  And how come you didn't do kisses?  We always do kisses when you come.  You hug me and kiss my nose and I lick you.  That's what we do.

I'm sorry Sug, I just needed to talk to Libby and calm down.

You're not calming down, you're getting worked up.  It's because we didn't do the kisses. I'm the best friend here.  You should be grooming me and talking to me and giving me kisses because that's what makes you feel better.  Must I tell you everything?  Give me my nose kisses and go get my saddle and we will go ride and then it will be fine.

So I did what I was told, tacked her up and went in to the ring for my lesson. Surprisingly, I didn't ride badly.  Thankfully, tonight focused on trot poles and gymnastics, which I love.  I love them because once I get her to the gymnastic, my job is pretty much to support with my legs but other than that, stay in the middle and out of her way.   I can't over think, definitely should not over-ride, and that is a good thing for a control freak /over-analyzer like me. 

The Sainted Mare pretty much took control and we bounded through the sets of rails.  A couple of times I had to correct for her right drift or add a bit more leg at the base, but most of the exercise was just letting Sug do all the work and take care of us.  About halfway through I noticed I was feeling way more relaxed and at peace with my world, and let out a deep breath while stroking her shiny neck.  She let out a big sigh immediately after I did and turned around to look back at me.

Took you long enough.  You do realize you clench when you're stressed, you know.  I'm going to need another massage after schlepping you around tonight.

Yes, dear, I know.  I'll work on you after we're done.

So after my lesson I groomed her and massaged her a bit, and getting rid of her tension got rid of the last of mine.

See, I'M the best friend.  You always feel better after talking to me and grooming me and kissing my nose.  I bet you'll feel really good after you give me some of those Stud Muffins and I tell you how much I enjoyed them by licking you all over.

You know something?  My Big Girl was right.

Of course I was right.  I'm always right. When WILL you get that through that tiny little cranium of yours?

Someday, Sug.  I promise. Good night, Mare.  I love you.  See you tomorrow.  And thank you.

You're welcome.  See you tomorrow.  Don't forget the treats.

Can I tell you how much I love that horse?