Thursday, July 1, 2010

Minor rant...

Just got back from a business trip.  Now, I don't sleep very well when in hotels so by the time I get home I'm usually seriously sleep deprived and, yes, this makes my already colorful personality a tad more colorful.  I know this.  My family knows this.  So you'd think they would do anything to avoid creating situations that would cause any potentially "colorful" outbreaks, right. (Before I go on, note, no one, human or animal, is harmed when I get colorful. Unless you count their ears -- I can get loud.)

Things that send me over that very thin edge I hover on:

1) Granite is not camouflage.  Just because it is difficult to see the glob of jelly on the counter does NOT mean it isn't there.  If you've done anything on the counter -- prepared food, eaten food, created crafts -- CLEAN THE DAMN COUNTER OFF!  'Nuff said. 

2) Cleaning the counter off does not mean sweeping the crumbs on the counter off onto the floor.  This is cheating, and will be penalized accordingly.  If there's one thing that peeves Mom off more than sticking to the counter, it's walking through the kitchen and sticking to the floor (or feeling the crunch of crumbs underfoot).

3) If you open the fridge door and something growls at you, do not just close the door and move to the pantry in search of food.  Remove the offender from the fridge. If it's old enough to grow hair and mutate, you can't eat it and it must be thrown out.  Good rule of thumb: If Mom is gone more than 3 days, any leftover item/sandwich/doggie bag that was in the fridge before Mom left is too old to be safely ingested.  Throw it away. 

4)  Leaving the toilet seat cover up so the cats can drink is not okay.  Fill their water bowls.  Clean out the litter box while you are at it. 

5) Do not leave wet towels/clothes/blankets/toys strewn on floor.  You know where these things belong. Put whatever-it-is wherever it belongs.

Following these well known and oft-communicated guidelines will ensure that Mom's return to the bosom of her family will be less eventful for everyone.

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