Sunday, January 22, 2012

The Sainted Mare Weighs In On The Hair Issue...

Supporting Cookie through the trauma of mane pulling.
We had a teensy tiny winter weather event here in New Jersey yesterday, which meant that the roads were fouled up for my early morning riding lesson and cleared up by the time my daughter needed to leave for the afternoon soccer game. Sigh. So, the girls had the day off and plenty of time on their hands, as evidenced by this communication from Sugar, which I found in my tack trunk:

Dear Mom,

I'd like to begin a dialogue with you on this whole hair obsession you have.  Or rather, this need of yours to make sure I have none. 

Let me make sure this is clear to you: I grow a long coat in order to stay warm.  You may have noticed that temperatures have been hovering in the teens recently?  When you use the buzzy thing to remove all my hair, I am no longer warm.  It makes absolutely no sense whatsoever to render me naked, and then apply layer upon layer of claustrophobia-inducing artificial warmth and the irksome strappy things that hold them on.  You might think I look like the cute kid from A Christmas Story, whomever that may be, but I think I look uncomfortable and  annoyed.

You and your kind are supposed to be the life form capable of higher reasoning.  Based on the behavior mentioned above, I'd have to question if you are really using this ability.

What's wrong with the Po-Po Fro?

 And what's with this sadistic need to yank my mane out by the roots?? Really, the absolute HEIGHT of rudeness! Who arbitrarily decided that manes had to be a certain length or thickness in order to be in fashion? And I have no idea what a bikini line is, nor what it has to do with Brazilians or wax, but I don't think it's relevant to equines and anyway, if it's so painful, why do you DO it?  This makes no sense.

Mom, I love you, but I respectfully suggest you are not fully making use of this supposedly superior human brainpower you have.

PS.  The pony agrees with me.


aka The Sainted Mare


  1. :) sorry, but I have to agree with the Sainted mare and the pony...

  2. "...nor what it has to do with Brailians or wax..." = Coffee. Up nose. And on keyboard. Nice Amy, real nice.

  3. Dear Anonymous -- No need to be sorry! All opinions (especially those as nicely worded as yours!) are welcome and appreciated. And I see your point -- honestly I'd prefer not to clip her. However, as we do work over the winter and she sweats like a longshoreman, it takes hours with towel and hairdryer to get her dry and comfortable again. Sadly, as you know we don't always have those hours in our day, and thus, sometimes there's a tradeoff.

    @ Marissa -- Am sorry about the unintended sinus flushing, and any damage to your keyboard. To apologize for the former, am happy to treat you to a Starbuck's this weekend. As for the latter, thankfully you have a good IT department...

    1. Ahahaha! I love it! She does bring up some very valid points...but we must all suffer for beauty, yes? :D

    2. A Starbucks run is definitely in order! Just say when :)

  4. Dear Sugar:

    You have a very good life with a person who clearly adores you. Often in a marriage/long term relationship each party must make some adjustments and compromises ... for the love of the other party. I know the hair thing bothers you a bit, but why focus on the negative. Learn to love her for all the rest that she offers. You see, the other Sugar gets lovely hand picked hay, a clean stall, warm water on a cold night... she has new shoes @$295 a visit, a chiropractor, a masseuse and her own personal yoga instructor. For that, she does have to tolerate just a few moments of discomfort.

    You will be fine...

    Sugar's Person in MA

  5. I was rolling while reading this. Entertaining as always! Thanks for great read.