You may recall the East coast was pummeled by a stroppy old cow of a storm called Sandy that laid a serious can of whoop-ass on us. Many folks in my state of New Jersey are still without power and under water a week later. My barn still doesn’t have any power other than a generator, and that runs the basics only.
So when I went to the barn the other day on my way out to the airport for another business trip (I could justify using the gas in these times of gas rations because I had to go somewhere anyway, so what if I arrive at the airport by way of the barn?) I discovered something amazing – it’s extremely difficult to pee in the dark. There’s no window in the bathroom, so when I say dark, think cave-like. You know how in that Beatles song they ask “What do you see when you turn out the lights?” and Ringo answers, “I can’t tell you but I know it’s mine!” Well, it was that kind of dark.
Peeing in the dark can also be dangerous. You’d think with a tuckus like mine I’d have a pretty good shot at landing square on the commode, but lo and behold, it was harder than I’d thought. There were a few dicey moments, but after some scuffling and creative vocabulary I managed to pull it off with only minor bruising.
|It wasn't quite this bad, thankfully.|
Then I couldn’t find the darn toilet paper. At this point I was losing my sense of humor and not in the mood for a little game of touchy feely along the wall, and then, wait for it, LIGHTBULB!!! I realized I had my iPhone. This puppy has a flashlight app somewhere, right??? Whoohoo! Thank the saints, angels, cherubim, and God’s holy beard trimmers, there was light at the end of this particular tunnel! A few quick icons were pressed and BAM! I had light, and more importantly, I had toilet paper.
Cool. This phone is going to be more useful than I’d thought. I’m keeping this thing by my bed when I travel, which is often. One can get a little lost in hotels when on those midnight potty runs.