Getting Old Bites. Oh Yeah, and Equestrian Hugh Jackman...

My medical war chest...

You know, I'm starting to feel like old food.  Just a bit past the old Sell By date, you know?  Mostly I'm okay with it.  I can deal with the wrinkles, the crappy eyesight, the fact that I could have given birth to most of the people I work with.  I can handle the fact that my legs look like a road map and certain parts have migrated in a distinctly southerly direction. Think Southern Hemisphere.  Chile, perhaps. Or Argentina. But I digress. 

That's another thing.  I can deal with my mind going. I can.  What I can't seem to deal with is the creaky, ouchy,  gimpy, EVERYTHING FREAKING HURTS part of getting older.  Seriously, between the messed up back, the wrecked shoulder and the muscle spasms just about everywhere, I'm about a nanosecond away from being humanely put down! 

I just took a good gander at what it takes to get me through a day and darn near passed out.  Ice pack, TENS Unit, Ben Gay lotion, Ben Gay patches, Tiger Balm, various pharmaceutical assistance in the form of NSAIDs and muscle relaxants, heating pad, and um, yeah, WINE.

While I was having a bit of an internal meltdown over this, the husband came in and asked my plans for getting the kids to their activities and oh by the way, what was for dinner?  (Why do they always do this at the precise moment it's least safe for them to do so?  Why? )  For some reason this got me thinking of what I'd REALLY wish he'd say, which got me thinking about the whole Equestrian Ryan Gosling/Equestrian Ryan Reynolds thing.  Which is great, but you know, both of them are a bit young for me, and while I'm all for the whole Mrs. Robinson thing, what I'd really like is a mature, family oriented, relationship-stable gorgeous dude who totally understood the horse thing as well as all the other crap I have going on in my life.

Enter Equestrian Hugh Jackman!

Now THAT's what I call a fantasy!

My New Favorite Fitness Regime...

I injured myself 5 months ago and fell off the workout wagon for a good long time. Now I'm much better, albeit a bit "poofier," and should really be getting back on the dang wagon instead of watching it continue to roll on past me whilst I sip a class of Sauvignon Blanc. Problem is, when you fall off the wagon, you tend to lose motivation and get to a point where you think, "Wagon? What wagon? I don't need no stinking wagon. Pour another glass of that wine!"

Alright, I may be carrying that a bit too far, but you get my point. Once you stop, it's hard to get started again unless there's a significant motivator. (If memory serves, there's a law in there somewhere -- something about inertia? What is that one? An object at rest stays at rest, unless acted upon by an outside force.)

Anyway, this particular object has been at rest, but a desire to improve my riding and a fear of needing to purchase bigger breeches (or Spanx)has motivated me to get back into physical activity. Well, that and a few good friends, otherwise known as "outside forces" (Allison, you know I mean you!) who are very good evangelists for the healthy lifestyle.

Thus, I got back to work. Or working out. Whatever. So far it's been some yoga, a little bit of cardio, and light weights.

However, I've come across a workout program that I think will be a wildly successful one for me, as it combines a good core workout with one of my favorite things in life. Consider it the ultimate anti-inertia core workout! Thanks to my good friend Sarah for passing this along!!

Little Hiccup in the Fitness Challenge...

Look, Ma! I'm On The Bit!

So my attempt to drill for oil using my cranium as has put a big old monkey wrench in my fitness plans.  Previous to my prayer to the dirt gods I had embarked on a plan to get my ammy a$$ in shape.  A couple trainers I respect told me my riding would improve more quickly if my fitness/strength level improved.  I reasoned that since I spent what felt like a minor fortune on lessons, clinic, DVDs, and books devoted to improving my riding, it only made sense to take their advice.  Time to get thighs that could crack walnuts, or at least motivate a lazy mare, and a core capable of holding my position better over fences.

Things were going well at first.  On average, I ride 5 days a week when I am not traveling.  I began riding my mare without spurs, spent 5 minutes warming up trotting in two point, and incorporated lots of work without stirrups. In addition I added interval/hill work on the  treadmill or eliptical 5 days a week, and weights or Pilates 2-3 times a week.

That lasted all of 10 days, until I face planted at a horse show after jumping ahead of my mare (Literally.  A word to the wise -- do NOT do this!)  My little unintentional dismount resulted in a concussion, a sprained neck, and potentially some instability in the ligaments of the ondontoid process, which I'm told can be A VERY BAD THING if I fall off/get rear ended/do something else stupid involving trying to insert my melon into an unyielding surface. 

So, no rigorous exercise for the time being.  Not good, considering when I'm bored/sad/happy/confused or just breathing I eat.  A lot.  And I don't exactly go whole hog on the veggies, either?  I'm more of an Oreos/Pillsbury vanilla icing/Ice Cream/Cheese and Butter kind of gal.  Which ain't great if you're not moving much, you know what I mean?

So no running.  I've been traveling a lot for work, so I haven't  been riding much. When I have ridden, it's been more like really light hacking, which Sug is totally on board with.

So what's a creaky, achy, semi-breakable broad to do?  Lots of treadmill intervals on an incline, only at the walk.  I've also done what little light Yoga and Pilates I can without straining my neck.  I've gone back to doing a little light belly dancing.  Although I've pretty much lost what little improvement I'd made, one good thing is that the hill work has made my legs stronger.  Or at least they felt that way when I rode tonight. Just stronger and more secure, if that makes sense.

So I guess I'll keep up with the kinder, gentler fitness regime until I'm cleared for more intense stuff.  Backsliding is frustrating, but the fact that my legs felt a bit more secure tonight gives me some hope for eventual success.  Fingers crossed!

The Lawn Dart Speaks...

T-Shirt, Anyone??

I fell off the other day.  Spectacularly.  At a show.  With lots of witnesses. I have the road rash and aches and pains to prove it.  I also have a lovely video, courtesy of my husband, which shows my breech clad behind going up...uP...UP aaaaannnnnd OVER the fence and sees me faceplant heavily on the other side.
The day after the fall I had to go on a business trip.  Many of my clients noticed my stiffness and the scrapes on my face and asked what had happened.  I told them, and even showed a few the video, which by this point seemed kind of funny to me.

Clearly the video is more impressive than I'd thought, as quite a few gasped with horror and then asked me if I ever thought I'd ride again.

HUH?  Not ride again?  The thought never crossed my mind.  I mean, I do get it -- the fall could easily have been catastrophic.  Thankfully, it wasn't.  However, I'd wager I've had more potentially dangerous "close calls" on the highway.  Seriously, has anyone been on the road in Jersey lately??

When I said that I planned to get back on as soon as possible, some asked if I was really comfortable risking myself when I had a family and kids to consider.  While I concede my well meaning acquaintances have a point, I know for a fact that some of them have habits and/or passions that can have adverse affects on one's health.  Mountain climbing and mountain biking come to mind.  Skydiving, too.  Heck, drinking, smoking and eating lots of rich food (prevalent trade show behavior) has been said to shorten one's life span.  Granted, I get the short term versus long term differences between impaling one's self headfirst into the dirt as opposed to overindulging, but let's face it, either one poses risks.

So I've been thinking:  Would I ever stop riding?  Probably not.  Anyone who knows me and cares about me knows I'm much happier (and thus much easier to live with!) when I'm riding, and no one close to me has asked me to give it up.  Of course, I don't want to put my family in a situation tat would upset them, either.

Certainly countless other riders, most of whom better riders than I, have had horrific falls and suffered grave injuries, only to rebound and ride successfully again.  I know what I did wrong, and will take all possible steps to eradicate the habit. Can we agree that riding possesses inherent risk, but when all precautions are taken, is not drastically more risky than driving, flying, or many other sports activities?

What WOULD make me hang up my helmet?  Age and decrepitude, I hope, although recent stories in the Chronicle of the Horse and Dressage Today give me hope that I'll be riding into my advanced old age. 

What, if anything, would make you stop riding?