|My Problem, In a Nutshell.|
My biggest problem (and there are plenty who would argue that this is not my BIGGEST problem, that there are any NUMBER of others with greater magnitude) is my head. If I could have a pre-frontal lobotomy before every riding session, my trainer and horse would both be thrilled. I have what is often called a tendency to overthink things. I also tend to try over-control or micromanage anything I possible can. Hence, the argument with my horse that left me eating sand the other night.
I knew as soon as I hit the dirt that I'd be replaying the fall and possible outcomes in my head darn near without pause, and that I'd revert back to approaching each fence with the never-ending prayer "Oh God Oh God Oh God" going through my head all the while choking up on my mare's face til she was just about going in reverse.
However, as I am blessed with either resilience, stupidity, what my father calls cussed pigheadedness, or a combination thereof, I wrapped the bum ankle and had a jumping lesson today. My trainer went fairly easy on me at first, but soon turned to me and asked, "Ready to try the Liverpool?" Outwardly the response was "You bet!" Inwardly, the response was a good deal less positive.
I'm not really sure how I silenced the negative talk in my head. I wish I did know what I did, because obviously that would be helpful knowledge going forward. All I know is I jumped all the fences leading up to the Liverpool really well, then jumped the Liverpool with no problems, and made the rollback to the next bending line and jumped that well.
The lesson I'm taking from this is that stuff happens, and you just gotta move on. Instead of focusing on the negative stuff that happened (the fall) I'm going to concentrate on the fact that I was able to walk away, and get back on. The mental movie I'm going to replay is not the one where I crashed, but rather, the one where I successfully jump the Liverpool and the rest of the course.
I CAN do it, dammit! Now I'm going to go ice my ankle some more (positive thinking being one thing, aging joints and ligaments another...)